


Flying Toward Heaven

by Junt



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 17:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8067088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junt/pseuds/Junt
Summary: Seulgi had shown Seungwan what it meant to be loved. She had also shown her what it meant to be absolutely miserable.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the grammar writing in past tense is rather difficult for me. I recommend listening to "at the ivy gate" by brian crain or really any piece by brian crain while reading this. Please consider the warnings, thank you.

Son Seungwan had always enjoyed playing the piano. She still had enjoyed it even when her parents had put her under enormous pressure to be the best. Not only in South Korea but the whole World. Her whole life was based on being a pianist. She knew nothing else. She only got to know something called „love“ when Kang Seulgi and her family had moved into the house next to them just a few days after Seungwan's 16th birthday. 

Seulgi had been different. She had been sweet and innocent and so naive that it nearly hurt. The two met when Seulgi had tripped over a box, which was labelled as kitchen, when Seungwan had left her house. Seungwan had tried to ignore the poor girl at first but then her heart had won in the end. She had helped Seulgi up and asked her if she was alright. 

Seulgi had answered that things like that happened to her often and that it was okay. Seungwan was probably going to see her falling and tripping a lot in the future. And Seulgi did stay true to her words. Nearly every time Seungwan saw her she had a sort of accident. It had bemused Seungwan. All of her so called friends were rather uptight. She couldn‘t imagine seeing them trip over something ever. 

Sometimes Seungwan had wondered how Seulgi and her family could afford to live in a rich neighborhood like they did. She had never seen Seulgi wear something that looked like it was from a brand store. But Seungwan hadn't mind. Quite the reverse actually, she had really enjoyed Seulgi's style. Sometimes Seungwan had compared herself to Seulgi. Seungwan's parents had always forced her to wear dresses. Sometimes even suits with matching neckties. 

More than once Seungwan had imagined herself wearing one of Seulgi's huge and comfortable looking sweaters. She bet they smelled beautifully, just like her owner. During the years Seungwan and Seulgi had went to school together they had never become friends. They had talked to each other, but it was mostly related to classes or insignificant topics like the weather. It had urged Seungwan to actually really befriend Seulgi but she hadn't known how. Seungwan hadn't been good with being social. 

After school Seulgi had went to attend a university near them while Seungwan had continued playing. Her parents hadn't believed in university, bachelors or masters. Seungwan had her piano and was already widely recognized what would she need a degree for? She never had any friends growing up, being too busy playing the piano. 

She had met Bae Joohyun and her sister Yerim after one of her first concerts when she had been 14. Joohyun's parents had bought them tickets and apparently also backstage tickets since the girls insisted that Seungwan owed them some of her time when all she had wanted was to leave and continue practising at home. They had become friends after that. Seungwan hadn't wanted to call them that, she had only done it in front of her parents. 

Neither Joohyun nor Yerim had ever wanted to do something with Seungwan. They had come to most of her concerts and greeted her afterwards but Seungwan suspected that they had only wanted to show off that they knew her. Seungwan had been a little celebrity after all. The girl with the dancing fingers, the papers had called her. She had never cared for that title or that her playing had been really impressive apparently. She had just wanted to play. 

Once during practice, she had her own floor in their house for her lessons, her gaze had drifted to the window. Her fingers had automatically stopped playing when she had noticed Seulgi and a boy standing in Seulgi's garden. Both had been dressed in swimming wear and Seungwan hadn't stopped herself from letting her gaze wander up and down Seulgi's body. They were apparently going to take a dip in Seulgi's pool, it had been a very hot day after all. Not that Seungwan would have noticed that without looking at the thermometer. It wasn't like she would have left the house anytime soon and the air-conditioner was turned on to the maximum. 

As much as Seungwan had tried to concentrate on her notes again she simply couldn't. She had starred at Seulgi and the boy, who were having a blast, playing and splashing each other with the cold water. Seungwan didn't knew why but her heart had started to ache then. If Seungwan had made an attempt back when she still went to school with Seulgi then maybe she could have been there in the pool with Seulgi instead of that guy. 

She had never liked him and from that day on her dislike towards him only became stronger. Every time he came over to Seulgi's house they were in that damned pool. Seungwan had started to hate the pool and everything it stood for. She hated herself for falling for Seulgi. She hated herself for not acting on it. She hated herself for never having any friends, for always being alone. She hated herself for crying when she had first witnessed the guy kissing Seulgi. 

She had even started to hate her piano. But that hadn't last long. The piano had been the only thing in her life after all. It had been her complete life to be precise. As much as Seungwan disliked the guy she couldn't exactly blame him for dating Seulgi. It had been her own fault, falling for a straight girl and never actually trying to talk or befriend her. The fact that she was gay had never bothered Seungwan. 

She hadn't even labelled herself as gay. She liked Seulgi. If that made her gay then so be it. Seungwan had known that she had to get over Seulgi some day. But that had been easier said then done. She had read that the easiest way to get over someone was falling for someone new. But Seungwan hadn't wanted to fall for anyone else than Seulgi. She had started to isolate herself even more than she had before. She had felt so lost and lonely. 

She had once tried to bring up the issue to Joohyun but as soon as Seungwan had mentioned Seulgi's name Joohyun had thrown her a disgusted look. Joohyun had told her that Seulgi was dating Jaebum, he apparently attended the same university as Seulgi did, and that the girl was apparently into drugs and other dangerous things. Seungwan hadn't believed a single word but had nodded anyway. She had never brought up the topic again after that. 

Seungwan had started to lose a lot of weight over the years. She had once overheard her mother proudly telling her aunt how thin and slender Seungwan now looked compared to her younger version. “Like a real pianist”, she had said. Seungwan had wanted to puke. She had felt sick, she knew she were sick, but no one had seemed to care. She had cried herself to sleep a lot. During practice she could only stare blankly at the sheets in front of her. The notes had become blurred, she couldn't even tell the difference between them anymore. 

She still had continued to play. The piano had kept her alive. So that was why Seungwan had decided to end her life when the piano was taken from her. It had happened after one of her concerts. A person had bumped into her and thrown her onto the ground. The fall had been unfortunate and Seungwan had heavily damaged her right hand. As Seungwan had laid there on the ground, clutching her hand in pain, she could make out light brown hair shining down on her. Maybe it had been her imagination but Seungwan had been sure that it was Seulgi, who had been towering over her. 

Who had been responsible for her injury. For her miserableness. But maybe she had only wanted the person to be Seulgi so that she could be angry at her. Seungwan's parents had dragged her to every single doctor in South Korea and also America. But they had always said the same thing. They couldn't help Seungwan, her hand was beyond repair. Her parents hadn't stopped searching for a cure for months. But they had to accept it sooner or later. Seungwan had only really realized that she would never be able to play the piano again when she had sat in front of it, ready to play. She would have broken down in tears, if had any left. But she hadn't. 

She had sat in front of the piano for hours until her mother had slightly shook her and ordered her to sleep. The same thing had happened the day after. And the next day. Seungwan continued to sit in front of the piano for weeks. Starring at it. Not moving. Not breathing. She had never felt so numb. Not even when she had seen Jaebum kiss Seulgi and she had cried for days back then. It all seemed so pointless to her now. 

She had spend her days, years even, moping over some girl when she could have played instead. She cursed Seulgi. She also cursed Joohyun and Yerim. Since her injury they seemed to have forgotten that Seungwan existed. Seulgi had shown Seungwan what it meant to be loved. She had also shown her what it meant to be absolutely miserable. Seungwan wondered if Seulgi even knew what kind of impact she had on her. She couldn't imagine it. 

It was pitiful and pathetic from Seungwan to equate happiness with Seulgi. But Seulgi had made her happy. Even if the girl would never know how much she meant to Seungwan, the later was still thankful. The psychiatrist had diagnosed Seungwan with depression. To her parents that may had come as shock but Seungwan had known for a long time. She had been depressed before the incident. Seulgi had shown her how isolated and lonely Seungwan truly had been. 

When they went home that day Seungwan's parents argued about which institution they would send Seungwan to, acting like their damaged daughter couldn't hear anything. Maybe they weren't completely wrong about that. After they had arrived at their house Seungwan's parents told her that they would visit an opera that night and that Seungwan could invite friends over to watch a movie. Her parents knew that she hadn't had any friends as good as Seungwan herself but she had nodded anyway. 

That night as Seungwan was sitting in front of her piano again she decided to put an end to her suffering. She went into the basement, the maids had left already, to gather everything she needed. She found five canisters of gasoline and matches in such a beautiful box that she nearly felt bad for opening it. There were several trees portrayed and in the middle stood her English name: Wendy. 

As she wandered through the house, emptying the content of the canisters on her way, she felt like a ghost. It was as if she had fallen into some sort of trance. Her feet moved on their own. Her hands were pouring the liquid with such grace as if she had never done anything else in her entire life. She laid the gasoline track so that it ended next to her piano. She did another round through the house, to check if all the windows and doors were closed and then sat down on the piano stool. She yanked the bandage off her hand and threw it onto the ground. 

She starred at her broken hand for a while. She slightly managed to move her fingers a bit, it hurt like hell. She made the cracking move with her hands, ignoring the tears that shot into her eyes. Surprised that her face felt wet Seungwan looked up. The window right next to her was standing wide open. It had started to rain heavily, Seungwan could practically smell the thunderstorm coming. She stood up to close the window. She was about to turn around when she saw Seulgi. 

The girl was standing inside her garden, it looked like her family was holding a party. As Seulgi noticed Seungwan, she smiled and slightly waved. Seungwan couldn't bear to see such a pure smile directed at her and turned back around. The matchbox trembled in her right hand. But a tiny smile from Seulgi couldn't help Seungwan anymore. It was long too late for that. 

With a jerky movement Seungwan lit up the match she was holding. She let it fall onto the gasoline trail and observed how the fire started to spread instantly. Seungwan felt the trance rush over her again. She sat down and placed her hands on the piano keys. She started to play the piece with which she used to finish her concerts. Her left hand moved gracefully while her right hand was stumbling over the keys, hitting the wrong notes. But Seungwan couldn't bring herself to care anymore. This was how she wanted to go. There was no point in being alive after all. 

The fire was a symbol for her happiness, crackling and fading away. The air inside the house was getting thinner and thinner. Seungwan could hardly breathe anymore. She played and played and played. She poured her whole life into the sounds she was making. How miserable she had felt. How she hadn't noticed it until Seulgi had come along. How she had wasted her whole life. How god hadn't any future plans for her. How sad her whole life had been. Seungwan could hear the sound of sirens in the distance but it was too late. 

Her finger cramped when she hit the last key and drew her last breath. Her head slumped forward and her lifeless body fell onto the ground.

It was finally over.


End file.
